The L.O.V.E. Approach to Living with Dementia

We all know about the importance of "active listening," but are you aware of "active hearing?"  

While active listening is a technique to understand the message accurately and paying attention to the person's emotions and body language, active hearing is a more focused way to perceive sounds.

So often we have our own agenda and are thinking about our next comment rather than listening, and we miss the emotions behind what is being served. Active hearing implies we  "hear" noises or sounds in the back ground that may cause stress or anxiety.

But most importantly, we must listen and hear ourselves during each interaction.

Much like a detective, observation skills and having a knack for reasoning can help determine the cause of a sudden mood change in someone with dementia.

Sherlock Holmes success can from his amazing senses and persistence to not give up. Developing observation skills to assess the surroundings and take note of any unusual circumstances attentively and intentionally. 

With practice, sharpening your mind to take in and interpret information accurately can eventually become a helpful habit.

Tracking observations of your loved one, and also observing yourself during the day when moods change, can be useful to avoid unnecessary stress. 

 It just feels good to be validated. When our thoughts or feelings are affirmed by others, there is a feeling of acceptance and understanding. When our feelings or thoughts are discounted, a sudden need to defend ourselves arises, and the instinct to lash out may occur. 

 Person's living with cognitive decline have difficulty following a typical conversation. So to feel they belong in the conversation, they enjoy telling their stories. Stories are important to tell, and for person's living with memory loss, dates, and places may not be accurately recalled, and the person will fill in the parts they are unable to remember. They are not lying, but merely trying to connect with others.

One of the worse things we can do to destroy a healthy relationship is to point out mistakes by constantly correcting the person, causes shame and embarrassment. 

 Go with the flow, and validate the emotion behind the delusion such as fear. 

Self-validation is important for you, and developing positive self-talk can help you acknowledge your strength's and abilities. 

When we can help a person living with dementia to feel heard, understood, and validated, a sense of safety and trust will lead to a social-emotional connection. Once this connection is established, engagement is possible. Engaging with someone is being listened to as an equal. 

Whether the person with dementia is engaged in a conversation, participating in a solitary activity, or enjoying a shared interest, the benefits of being "lost in the moment" can re-create a anew, or re-create (from the word recreation) a feeling of a restored body and mind.

When activities are meaningful, the shared engagement creates social bonding and a positive emotional experience. Often family members or friends assume the person with dementia can no longer participate in past hobbies. Their skill levels may decline, but simple adaptations and offering meaningful activities can easily be done to ensure success. 

A former golfer may not drive the cart safely and play 18 holes, but studies show the muscle memory of golf skills will remain a long time, and a trip to the driving range or putting green can bring great joy.